is your mom at the bar?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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