So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
