Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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