ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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