When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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