why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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