sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
