I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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