She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
