Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
