How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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