So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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