I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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