I think i peed on brittanys purse
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
