tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
