I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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