We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
