It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
