I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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