Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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