my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
