So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
