There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
