Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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