so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
