I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
