Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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