is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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