i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
