ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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