I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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