The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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