Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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