Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
