dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
