Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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