16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
