it was like his penis was on wheels.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
