Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
