Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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