accomplished twins. life is a go
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone signed my nipple.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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