I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
