My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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