Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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