Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
