i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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