I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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