morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
