I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
third nipple confirmed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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