I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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